Easter

Yesterday was Easter. I didn't post, well, because I decided to nap on the couch. But the kiddos had a fun weekend. We learned about how they do Easter in the South. (you have to watch this video, Palmer is pretty funny). 

The egg hunts were awesome. The kids had a good time. Festivities accomplished. 

The kids wore their clothes from Nonna. 

Church yesterday was a bittersweet time. We've had lots of conversations with our kids about death in the last six months. They get it. They understand that Holland, their cousin, lives with Heavenly Father right now. They still get confused when I cry while telling them how happy she is to be with Heavenly Father. So, they were confused when I was crying during church yesterday, especially when I told them I was mostly happy (the number of people in our house who understand my emotions is at zero right now). The emotional landslide continued in primary, where the kids were learning "I Feel My Savior's Love", one of the songs we sang at Holland's funeral. Not only did I have to play it about 30 times in a two-hour period, I had to do it through tears and fighting the desire to run somewhere dark and warm and safe.  

I found myself reflecting, yet again, on death, resurrection, and what exactly Jesus Christ has done for us. As I took the sacrament that symbolizes His sacrifice for me and my commitment to Him,  I thought about whether I really believe that He really did all He said He would. Did I believe that, because of His sacrifice and resurrection, my sister would see her child again? Did I believe that His grace is sufficient to save me and carry me through anything? Honestly, the words to the song above were the answer to my questions and confirmed, yet again, that I know that the Savior's sacrifice was real and that He has the power to do all the things He promised He would do. I don't have much in the way of profound, deep comments. But I believe simply that He has made all things possible. 

Below I've attached a video of my sister's choir singing with Alex Boye'. Watch it. It's probably the best song to describe the hope the atonement and resurrection give me. 

ketchup

i started writing this post with the title "catch up". then palmer walked in the room and said, "mom, that's not how you spell ketchup" and he proceeded to correct my spelling. He even said, "here, just let me do it for you". So, ketchup it is.

i've been MIA for awhile for lots of reasons. 1. the holidays. 'nough said. 2. january has been so beautiful and we've been spending lots of time outside, playing, jumping on the new trampoline, me finishing all the crafts & spray painting i've been putting off, etc. who wants to sit at a computer when it's nice? not i. 3. i've been trying to spend more time engaging with my kids, instead of pinning things (let's be pinterest friends), quilting, facebook chatting, etc.

but in my attempt to get back to writing the things down that matter, i feel the need to catch you up with our lives in AR.

christmas: it came, brought lots of presents and a beautiful church service, and left. we had lots of fun parties and treats to eat  share. i hosted my annual cookie exchange, managed to work out almost every day of the break, and took a break from everything but family. i really tried to not over commit us this christmas. we weren't able to join my family in oregon for christmas, which was a huge bummer. but i wanted to focus on our own family traditions and help our children focus on the Savior and true giving. i need to pull the pictures from facebook of the kids. if you're friends with us on facebook, the pics are all there. for now, i'm sure you can imagine the craziness of our three kiddos gleefully opening, complete with squealing and jumping.

new year's: it came, we slept, and it went. done.

okay, now that's done. i'm recommitting do be better about posting. i even got the blogger app to try blogging from my phone (where all the pictures are, anyway). in the meantime, hope your january was wonderful. here's to february and hoping our weather stays beautiful!

fail

yep, i've already fallen off the wagon and haven't posted in over a week. however, i have a reasonably good excuse. i was stuck in the kitchen for two days and buried under Christmas decorations. that said, our decorations are finally starting to cooperate and go where they're supposed to. if i could say the same for my children, i'd be fantastic. :-)

we had a nice, relaxing thanksgiving holiday with some friends. it was perfect. the kids played. the babies slept through thanksgiving. the adults got to sit and enjoy a meal and many, many plates of pies. we saw the annual kids christmas movie and everyone was happy.  i even got a good run in thanksgiving morning before the craziness began. it was a good day and i didn't cook for three days after that.

i'm a little behind in my annual holiday stuff. i didn't post a "thankful" post because i'm still working out what i'm thankful for...or at least the things that don't sound like a cliche. obviously, i'm grateful for my family, that we have a good job, a nice, warm home, food on the table, etc. but beyond that, i'm really trying to be grateful and it's taking some effort.

i've found myself just wanting to be alone and getting frustrated with nothing in particular. i at least have the slef-restraint to not take it out on my kids. don't get me wrong, i know i have a good life but getting into the holidays just feels like too much effort and nothing seems to be working the way it "should." i'm working on keeping up the traditions we've established and it makes me happy to see my kids so excited. but so much of the stuff about the holidays just feels frivolous and stupid and a complete waste of time and money. ronell and i have felt pretty strongly that we want to give our kids a good Christmas, but i don't care about all the toys and crap. call me a humbug, call me moody. it's cool. but i realize now, more than ever, that all i care about is my family and enjoying my life with them. life is so precious and i don't want to waste me my time thinking about what toys my kids get for Christmas. i want them to truly understand why we celebrate.

this year, we are trying to teach our kids more about serving others, sharing the joy of Christmas with others, and focusing on the things that matter most. we went through the toys and gave away some pretty nice stuff. both palmer and portia had a good cry (which means i did, too) but we talked about giving up things so others can be happy and sharing the blessings we've been given. i want them to really understand that this time of year is more than just making your letter to santa as long as possible or getting the best deal on a toy. it's about creating joy and memories and spending time with the people who matter.

so, while sometimes i say to myself, "what's the point of this stupid ....(fill in the blank with anything you'd like)?", i realize that there are things about this holiday season that i want my children to remember and cherish. i want them to understand how Christ brings joy, peace, and hope to our lives and this season is a good reminder of that. i want them to understand that this life is more than just an accumulation of possessions. i want them to understand that there's more to life than fun, and yet fun is an essential part of life. i want them to feel the comfort and peace of the Holy Ghost and never let that gift go. i want them to be grateful for the Atonement. so, i suck it up and do the things that will bring them joy and happiness this season and hope that the lessons they're learning will stick with them and that they will remember what matter most.

M.I.A.

Sorry I've been out of touch recently. I've decided I'm not very good at juggling many activities and prioritizing. Also, my external hard drive that has most of my pictures on it is being weird and won't connect with my computer. But I'll give you what I got, people. So, here's a quick update:

1. Halloween: It happened. :-) We went to the ginormous Walmart home office trick or treat bash. We filled two reusable shopping bags (the big blue Wal-mart ones) and used this candy all weekend for parties and trick-or-treaters. I think there's still some lurking in cupboards. I'll post pics when I figure out my hard drive issue (grrr).


2. Thanksgiving: it, too happened. We had a few couples from work over. It was small, quiet, and perfect. But we had sooooooo much food. I went a little nuts. Ronell failed to take pictures of the table.

She was actually very helpful. 

I'll get back with more pics, I promise. Because as fun and witty as I am, I know you're really just here to see the kids. I don't blame ya, that's why I'm here. :-)