fail

yep, i've already fallen off the wagon and haven't posted in over a week. however, i have a reasonably good excuse. i was stuck in the kitchen for two days and buried under Christmas decorations. that said, our decorations are finally starting to cooperate and go where they're supposed to. if i could say the same for my children, i'd be fantastic. :-)

we had a nice, relaxing thanksgiving holiday with some friends. it was perfect. the kids played. the babies slept through thanksgiving. the adults got to sit and enjoy a meal and many, many plates of pies. we saw the annual kids christmas movie and everyone was happy.  i even got a good run in thanksgiving morning before the craziness began. it was a good day and i didn't cook for three days after that.

i'm a little behind in my annual holiday stuff. i didn't post a "thankful" post because i'm still working out what i'm thankful for...or at least the things that don't sound like a cliche. obviously, i'm grateful for my family, that we have a good job, a nice, warm home, food on the table, etc. but beyond that, i'm really trying to be grateful and it's taking some effort.

i've found myself just wanting to be alone and getting frustrated with nothing in particular. i at least have the slef-restraint to not take it out on my kids. don't get me wrong, i know i have a good life but getting into the holidays just feels like too much effort and nothing seems to be working the way it "should." i'm working on keeping up the traditions we've established and it makes me happy to see my kids so excited. but so much of the stuff about the holidays just feels frivolous and stupid and a complete waste of time and money. ronell and i have felt pretty strongly that we want to give our kids a good Christmas, but i don't care about all the toys and crap. call me a humbug, call me moody. it's cool. but i realize now, more than ever, that all i care about is my family and enjoying my life with them. life is so precious and i don't want to waste me my time thinking about what toys my kids get for Christmas. i want them to truly understand why we celebrate.

this year, we are trying to teach our kids more about serving others, sharing the joy of Christmas with others, and focusing on the things that matter most. we went through the toys and gave away some pretty nice stuff. both palmer and portia had a good cry (which means i did, too) but we talked about giving up things so others can be happy and sharing the blessings we've been given. i want them to really understand that this time of year is more than just making your letter to santa as long as possible or getting the best deal on a toy. it's about creating joy and memories and spending time with the people who matter.

so, while sometimes i say to myself, "what's the point of this stupid ....(fill in the blank with anything you'd like)?", i realize that there are things about this holiday season that i want my children to remember and cherish. i want them to understand how Christ brings joy, peace, and hope to our lives and this season is a good reminder of that. i want them to understand that this life is more than just an accumulation of possessions. i want them to understand that there's more to life than fun, and yet fun is an essential part of life. i want them to feel the comfort and peace of the Holy Ghost and never let that gift go. i want them to be grateful for the Atonement. so, i suck it up and do the things that will bring them joy and happiness this season and hope that the lessons they're learning will stick with them and that they will remember what matter most.

i really should be sleeping....

...but i have to fulfill my promise and post twice a week, especially since tomorrow will be a week, i think.

This week has been good and bad and everything in between. I've had some good days and moments, but since last Sunday I've been sick. First, I got the flu with the achiness and fever. Luckily, it was Sunday, so I sent Ronell to church with all three kids (I heard he did perfectly, which is as expected because our children are angels for him, and less than angels for me). I, meanwhile, slept from 9-2 and then went back to bed at 4:00 for  a few hours and to bed at 8:00. Monday was a little better but then I lost my voice for two days and yelling at your kids via whispering is just not very effective. I think they literally looked at me while I was trying to tell them to pick up the junk around the house and rolled their eyes, even Teya.

By Wednesday things were a little better, however I still had no energy and tons to do. So, I did nothing but watch a friend's little girl (who is one of Portia's favorite girlfriends) while she had her fourth little baby girl. Thursday was a nice break from mommyhood when my kids were all at school or mom's day out (greatest invention ever. i'm not ready to let someone else take care of my baby all day, but one morning a week is genius. i actually can get my hair cut, shopping done, dentist visits accomplished, etc. without having to swap with someone every time. genius.) But my babysitter for enrichment bailed at the last minute and Teya erased all my etsy listings (note to self: don't let toddler near my sewing room, duh?!), so it was mcdonalds and letting my kids stay up way too late while I served dinner and washed dishes and vacuumed and cleaned up after our enrichment dinner. At least Christy and I did it together, though I still wasn't feeling great and my voice sounded like a man smoker voice. But it was good to serve other people and I'm glad I was able to be there.

Friday, Teya decided to start cutting molars and cried all morning. But at least she took a monster nap and Ronell was home from his quick trip to Dallas, so I got a couple things done. Still had the scratchy voice.

Today, I decided to put my money where my mouth was and move the kids around. I've been feeling for awhile that Palmer needed his own space. So Teya and Palmer switched. We now have a girls' room and a boys' room. Palmer's room is big and empty right now. I guess I better start looking for a desk or reading station or something for his space. Portia thought it was a great arrangement, until she realized she couldn't go in her room for three hours in the middle of the day while Teya napped. It felt strange to split up my dynamic duo, because they've been together for so long. But Palmer's getting older and we're trying to encourage modesty and respecting others' privacy, which is tough to do when they were sharing space. The only bad news is that my matching quilts for their shared room are now nixed (it's not too sad, because I was only halfway through piecing the tops anyway). The good news is that Palmer is getting a boys quilt and Portia will get a quilt like Teya's girly nursery quilt, but in brighter shades. Maybe I can finish before Christmas? Too ambitious.

Well, I need to go to bed because I'm teaching Relief Society tomorrow. So wish I had that calling. So much easier to teach once a month than plan creative activities every month! But such is my life...for now. My goal for next week? Exercise!! I haven't had enough energy to even think of working out (or clean or cook or anything, but that's not really new, is it?). But Monday, back to to the grind....just in time for Thanksgiving!

Good night!

P.S. Some of you asked for pictures of me. Well, tell you what. I'll post pictures of myself when I reach my goal or when I get around to doing Christmas photos....which may end up being a very happy Valentine from our family! :-)