fail

yep, i've already fallen off the wagon and haven't posted in over a week. however, i have a reasonably good excuse. i was stuck in the kitchen for two days and buried under Christmas decorations. that said, our decorations are finally starting to cooperate and go where they're supposed to. if i could say the same for my children, i'd be fantastic. :-)

we had a nice, relaxing thanksgiving holiday with some friends. it was perfect. the kids played. the babies slept through thanksgiving. the adults got to sit and enjoy a meal and many, many plates of pies. we saw the annual kids christmas movie and everyone was happy.  i even got a good run in thanksgiving morning before the craziness began. it was a good day and i didn't cook for three days after that.

i'm a little behind in my annual holiday stuff. i didn't post a "thankful" post because i'm still working out what i'm thankful for...or at least the things that don't sound like a cliche. obviously, i'm grateful for my family, that we have a good job, a nice, warm home, food on the table, etc. but beyond that, i'm really trying to be grateful and it's taking some effort.

i've found myself just wanting to be alone and getting frustrated with nothing in particular. i at least have the slef-restraint to not take it out on my kids. don't get me wrong, i know i have a good life but getting into the holidays just feels like too much effort and nothing seems to be working the way it "should." i'm working on keeping up the traditions we've established and it makes me happy to see my kids so excited. but so much of the stuff about the holidays just feels frivolous and stupid and a complete waste of time and money. ronell and i have felt pretty strongly that we want to give our kids a good Christmas, but i don't care about all the toys and crap. call me a humbug, call me moody. it's cool. but i realize now, more than ever, that all i care about is my family and enjoying my life with them. life is so precious and i don't want to waste me my time thinking about what toys my kids get for Christmas. i want them to truly understand why we celebrate.

this year, we are trying to teach our kids more about serving others, sharing the joy of Christmas with others, and focusing on the things that matter most. we went through the toys and gave away some pretty nice stuff. both palmer and portia had a good cry (which means i did, too) but we talked about giving up things so others can be happy and sharing the blessings we've been given. i want them to really understand that this time of year is more than just making your letter to santa as long as possible or getting the best deal on a toy. it's about creating joy and memories and spending time with the people who matter.

so, while sometimes i say to myself, "what's the point of this stupid ....(fill in the blank with anything you'd like)?", i realize that there are things about this holiday season that i want my children to remember and cherish. i want them to understand how Christ brings joy, peace, and hope to our lives and this season is a good reminder of that. i want them to understand that this life is more than just an accumulation of possessions. i want them to understand that there's more to life than fun, and yet fun is an essential part of life. i want them to feel the comfort and peace of the Holy Ghost and never let that gift go. i want them to be grateful for the Atonement. so, i suck it up and do the things that will bring them joy and happiness this season and hope that the lessons they're learning will stick with them and that they will remember what matter most.